Goodbye to a friend...

I know this year I said I was purging anything that wasn't adding value or positive energy to my life. With that said I got rid of two friends. Both I met when I first moved to Vegas and both I have gone above and beyond to help. I'm sure we've all had those relationships where we felt we were giving more than we were receiving, but for some reason this goes unnoticed or maybe even the other party thinks that they were entitled to praise for their "contribution." Lets call the first friend X1. X1 pretty much felt like everyone was out to get him and his constant paranoia served him right. He was taking money (my tax money, might I add), while running an under-the-table business. Cash only! My husband and I also gave him a place to stay for 6 months while he was having financial issues-RENT and UTILTY FREE! He didn't give us a dime, but he sure did quickly forget about all the time we helped him move from those weekly rent hotels, every time he got booted out because of his attitude problem. Of course we didn't mind being woken up at 3 am in the morning, while he was plastered drunk, and yelling how everyone is out to get him. Anyways, that toxic relationship that I'm glad has ended is dunzo! X1 is out of my life and I have never felt better to do away with it.

X2-another user. Las Vegas is full of many hungry people ready to step on anyones toes or find away to benefit anyway they can. It's true! It's very hard to find precious gems in a sea of hard cut rocks. Vegas is a hustling city and believe me everyone has their undercover hustle. X2 tried to get EVERYTHING for free. Always asking for rides (even though he had his own, the problem was he was uninsured and his gas tank was empty), asking for money, and trying to get hand me outs from my store. He had a good heart, but money was always his main motivation and he would step on his girlfriend, step on his friends and family, and would step on his own mother's back as a stepping stool to reach a dollar that was out of reach. So I cut him out of my life and have no regrets. I should have done it sooner. I didn't realize how much stress he was actually imposing on me until I let go of the friendship. Great call!

My third friend is not and ex-friend, he is an ex-human being. "Brownie," a clown all around, married, father of two took his life on January 24, 2010-he was 30. Brownie got into a fight with his wife and she later walked into their master bedroom to find him hanging from a light fixture from the ceiling. My initial response was shock, followed by sadness and then I was angry. How could he do this? We've all felt like life was too painful to live at least onetime in our lives, but we never acted on it. Or maybe some of us did? and weren't successful at it, in turn it gave us a greater appreciation for our lives.

Brownie was cremated and this is an awful thing to witness. His mother fainted from the sight of her son's coffin entering the incinerator. I watched in horror and then turned away like a coward, weeping on  my friend's shoulder. That shoulder I cried on had a look of anger an disbelief. His wife cried out loudly, practically jumping in after the coffin. After it was done I was left with the feeling of emptiness and I had to find my bearings. I just seen him close up when I laid incense and a candle on his perfectly still body and stared at his face all covered in badly done makeup. I half expected him to wake up and say "just kidding!" But he didn't and so I walked away and wept. His soul was gone, but his body remained and now nothing was left but ashes...

xoxo,
B